From Pain to Pleasure: How SOFT™ Transforms Sexual Healing
Imagine this: You’re with a partner you trust, or maybe you’re alone, hoping to finally feel good in your own skin. You want to enjoy intimacy, but instead your body tenses, pain flares up, or you feel numb—disconnected, like you’re not really there. Maybe you’ve tried everything: different positions, talking through it, endless research, or traditional sex therapy. Still, pleasure feels out of reach, and each attempt leaves you feeling more defeated, alone, or broken.
If this sounds familiar, you’re far from alone. Sexual pain, numbness, or shutdown is astonishingly common—especially for trauma survivors, neurodivergent folks, or anyone whose body hasn’t always felt like a safe place to be. And yet, the world rarely talks about what’s really happening. We’re told “just relax,” “communicate better,” or “try a new technique”—but what if the issue isn’t in your mind or technique, but stored deep within the body’s connective tissue?
Enter SOFT—Somatic Oriented Fascia Therapy. SOFT isn’t just another set of sex tips or surface-level solutions. It’s a trauma-informed, consent-centered, fascia-focused approach designed for bodies holding stories that talk therapy can’t touch. If you’ve struggled to move from pain to pleasure, this post is for you: we’ll explore why pleasure can get stuck, how trauma lives in the fascia, and how SOFT creates a new pathway for healing—one that honors your body, your boundaries, and your authentic self.
The Body’s Story: How Fascia, Trauma, and Sexuality Intertwine
Let’s talk fascia. Most people have never even heard of it, but this intricate, continuous web of connective tissue wraps every muscle, organ, nerve, and—crucially—every part of your sexual anatomy. Your pelvic floor, vulva, penis, clitoris, prostate, rectum, and everything in between: all are nestled in layers of fascia.
What Is Fascia, Really?
Fascia is like your body’s internal internet—transmitting sensation, supporting movement, and holding everything in place. It’s full of sensory nerve endings, more densely packed than muscle, and deeply sensitive to touch, pressure, movement, and yes, emotion.
How Trauma Gets Stored in the Fascia
When you experience trauma—sexual, medical, relational, or even chronic microaggressions—your body responds by bracing. Fascia contracts and thickens as armor, trying to keep you safe. If the trauma is repeated, overwhelming, or goes unprocessed, these patterns get “set” in the tissue, sometimes for years.
Sexual trauma or violation: The body may numb the pelvis or genitals, tighten the pelvic floor, or “check out” during intimacy as a protective mechanism.
Medical trauma: Past painful exams, surgery, or being touched without consent can lead to chronic pain or sensitivity.
Shame and oppression: Messages like “your pleasure doesn’t matter,” “your body is wrong,” or “sex is dangerous” don’t just hurt emotionally—they’re encoded physically, shaping how safe it feels to soften, open, or experience pleasure.
Fascia as Emotional Memory
Science is catching up to what survivors, queer and neurodivergent communities, and somatic healers have always known: the body keeps the score. Fascia isn’t just passive scaffolding; it’s a living record of your experiences—good and bad. Pain that doesn’t make sense medically, numbness that lingers, pleasure that feels “impossible”—these are often the body’s way of saying, “I’m not ready. I still need protection.”
Why Cognitive and Behavioral Sex Therapy Alone Isn’t Enough
Traditional sex therapy has done a lot for sexual wellness. It’s helped people talk about shame, communicate with partners, and try new things. But for so many, especially trauma survivors, neurodivergent folks, or those with chronic pain, these tools only go so far.
The Limitations of “Just Relax” and “Talk It Out”
Top-down approaches (changing thoughts, learning techniques) don’t always reach the body’s protective patterns.
Behavioral homework (“just try this new thing!”) can feel like pushing through pain, reinforcing the idea that your pleasure is something to earn, rather than something you deserve.
Blaming the individual: When these tools don’t “work,” many blame themselves: “Maybe I’m just broken. Maybe I’ll never enjoy sex.”
What Gets Missed?
The felt sense of safety and consent in the tissue, not just the mind.
The need for true embodied boundaries, pacing, and micro-decisions—not “performing” pleasure or compliance.
The deep wisdom of the body’s no. Sometimes pain or shutdown is your body’s best attempt at care, not dysfunction.
What Sexual Healing Really Means in SOFT™
SOFT redefines sexual healing—not as a quest for “normal” or “function,” but as the reclamation of agency, possibility, and pleasure on your terms.
From Fixing to Listening
Instead of trying to fix what’s “wrong,” SOFT practitioners invite clients to listen: What is your body saying? Where is there tightness, numbness, fear, or longing? What happens when we approach these places with curiosity and consent—not pressure?
The Four SOFT Stages Applied to Sexual Healing
1. Sensing
The journey starts with gentle body awareness. Clients are guided to notice—without judgment—where they feel sensation, tension, or absence in the pelvic floor, genitals, chest, or anywhere sexual energy moves.
What does “aliveness” feel like in your pelvis?
Where do you go numb, check out, or feel armored?
Sensing is not about “finding the problem.” It’s about honoring the body’s story, even if that story is “I feel nothing right now.”
2. Opening
With safety and ongoing consent, SOFT supports the gentle unwinding of fascial restrictions. This might involve subtle movement, self-directed touch, breath, or micro-boundary moves—always at the client’s pace.
There’s no “right way” to open.
Small shifts—softening a clenched jaw, breathing into the hips—can have profound effects.
3. Feeling
As the body softens, emotions, memories, or sensations may emerge. Grief, anger, fear, or longing for pleasure may arise. SOFT practitioners help clients stay present with these feelings, titrating as needed, and never rushing or pushing.
Feeling isn’t forced; it’s allowed.
“If this tension had a voice, what would it say?”
“If your pleasure had a color or shape, what would it be?”
4. Transformation
Integration is where new patterns—relaxation, agency, authentic pleasure—are anchored in daily life and intimacy. This might mean:
Practicing receiving touch without bracing
Setting boundaries from a place of self-care, not fear
Allowing pleasure without guilt, hypervigilance, or shame
Pacing, Cultural Humility, and Identity-Affirming Care
SOFT is uniquely designed for clients whose experiences are shaped by marginalization—queer, trans, BIPOC, neurodivergent, disabled, or anyone whose sexuality and body have been pathologized or excluded by mainstream models.
Healing is not about becoming “normal”
Consent, pacing, and adaptation are central
Your unique experience of pleasure is valid and worthy
Real Stories: SOFT in Practice for Sexual Pain and Pleasure
Case 1: Pelvic Pain After Trauma
Sasha, a 32-year-old trauma survivor, came to SOFT after years of pelvic pain during sex. Talk therapy helped Sasha understand their triggers, but their body still locked up with every attempt at intimacy.
In SOFT, Sasha’s practitioner began with sensing—inviting Sasha to notice their breath, pelvic floor, and jaw, without any pressure to change. Instead of diving into “fixes,” they built safety through micro-movements and constant check-ins.
Over months, Sasha noticed the pain softening and moments of curiosity, even pleasure, emerging. The breakthrough? For the first time, Sasha’s body was allowed to say “no,” to pause, to choose. That “no” eventually made space for a true “yes”—and sex became something Sasha could enjoy, not endure.
Case 2: Neurodivergent Shutdown and Consent
Avery, a nonbinary, autistic client, struggled with shutdown and dissociation during sexual encounters. No matter how much they “wanted” connection, their body would check out.
SOFT sessions prioritized Avery’s sensory needs: dim lighting, music, weighted props, and no pressure to talk. The practitioner honored every “not yet,” “I need to stim,” or request for breaks. Through micro-boundary moves, Avery began to feel more present in their body. Gradually, they learned to distinguish between a genuine “yes” and a survival “go along.” With SOFT, Avery found not just the possibility of pleasure, but the right to define pleasure for themselves.
Case 3: Discovering Pleasure for the First Time
Lance, 50, never experienced sexual pleasure—not because of trauma, but because she grew up with shame, medical anxiety, and a body that always felt disconnected.
SOFT didn’t start with “performance” or orgasm goals. Instead, Lance’s sessions centered on curiosity: What sensations feel interesting, safe, or simply “okay”? With time, Lance felt warmth, tingling, and finally, pleasure in her body—on her own terms, free from scripts or expectations.
Key Lessons
Healing happens at the body’s pace, not the mind’s.
Boundaries and “no” are essential for opening to authentic “yes.”
Pleasure is possible for every body, but it rarely looks like the movies.
Practical Tips for Clients and Practitioners
While SOFT’s core techniques are only taught to certified practitioners, here are ways anyone can start moving toward healing and pleasure—without bypassing the need for trauma-informed, professional care.
For Clients
1. Start with Permission, Not Pressure
Give yourself permission to pause, say “not yet,” or skip any practice that feels wrong.
Healing is not a race. Your “no” is as sacred as your “yes.”
2. Explore Micro-Boundaries
Notice what happens when you shift position, adjust your breath, or set a tiny boundary: “I want the light off,” “Let’s slow down,” “Touch me here, not there.”
These small choices can be powerful steps toward safety and pleasure.
3. Get Curious, Not Judgmental
If you feel pain, numbness, or disconnect, try asking: “What might my body be protecting me from?”
Journaling, art, or speaking with a therapist can help make sense of these body messages.
4. Seek Trauma-Informed, Sex-Positive Care
Ask practitioners if they are SOFT-certified, trauma-informed, and affirming of your identities and boundaries.
Don’t settle for any approach that dismisses your pain or pushes you past your comfort.
For Practitioners
1. Center Consent at Every Step
Ask for ongoing, moment-to-moment consent—not just at intake.
Normalize changing your mind, pausing, or declining any practice.
2. Honor Identity and Cultural Context
Learn about your clients’ cultural, neurodivergent, and sexual identities.
Adapt sessions for sensory needs, language, and pace.
3. Celebrate Small Wins
Progress isn’t always about orgasm, penetration, or “normal sex.”
Feeling safer, noticing pleasure, or setting a boundary is real healing.
Further Resources
Books:
Unmasked Sexuality: A Revolutionary Guide to Neurodivergent Sexual Liberation by Dr. Misty Gibson
Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski
Healing Sex by Staci Haines
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
Podcasts:
Untamed Ember with Dr. Misty Gibson
Sex Out Loud
Bodies
Queer Sex Therapy
Frequently Asked Questions
Can fascia really cause sexual pain?
Yes. Fascia in the pelvic floor, genitals, and surrounding tissues can become restricted due to trauma, stress, or injury, leading to pain, numbness, or decreased sensation.
Is it normal to feel numb or shut down during sex?
Yes, especially after trauma, chronic stress, or consent violations. This is a common, protective response. You are not alone or broken.
Can pleasure return after trauma?
Absolutely. With safety, consent, and the right support, many people experience renewed or even first-time pleasure, sometimes in ways they never imagined possible.
Is SOFT only for trauma survivors?
No. While SOFT is designed with trauma in mind, it’s for anyone seeking embodied, consent-centered healing—especially those whose bodies or experiences don’t fit traditional models.
Resources and Next Steps
SOFT Practitioner Directory: Find a certified practitioner at somaticorientedfasciatherapy.com
Training Information: Clinicians can explore SOFT’s certification and advanced trainings
Untamed Ember Podcast: Body-based healing, trauma, sexuality, and more
Newsletter: Subscribe for free resources, updates, and SOFT practices in your inbox
Book: Unmasked Sexuality: A Revolutionary Guide to Neurodivergent Sexual Liberation by Dr. Misty Gibson (Amazon for printed or Kindle version, and direct ebook from untamedember.com)
If you’ve lived with sexual pain, numbness, or a sense of never really “arriving” in pleasure, know this: your body is wise, not broken. The stories written in your fascia and your nervous system are stories of survival—sometimes so deep that talk alone can’t reach them.
But healing is possible. With trauma-informed, consent-centered approaches like SOFT, you can move from pain and shutdown toward curiosity, agency, and, yes, real embodied pleasure—on your own terms. This journey isn’t about fixing you; it’s about reclaiming your right to feel, choose, and enjoy your body and sexuality, however that looks for you.
You deserve pleasure, safety, and support. Don’t settle for less. Reach out to a SOFT-certified practitioner, listen to the Untamed Ember podcast, or start with one small act of self-kindness today. Your body’s wisdom, and your pleasure, are worth honoring—every single time.
Copyright © Dr. Misty Gibson 2025. All rights reserved. For more on SOFT, trauma-informed sexual healing, and embodied pleasure, visit somaticorientedfasciatherapy.com.
