Consent Isn’t Just a Yes: Embodied Consent in Therapy and Real Life
Have you ever said “yes” when every part of your body wanted to scream “no”? Maybe it was a partner’s touch, a medical exam, or even just a social invitation you felt pressured to accept. For many, especially those with a history of trauma or consent violations, this split between what you say and what you feel isn’t just uncomfortable—it’s a survival strategy learned over years, even decades.
If you’ve spent any time in therapy, you’ve probably been told the importance of consent—knowing your boundaries, saying “no” when you mean it, or asking for what you want. But what about those moments when your mouth says “yes” but your chest tightens, your jaw clenches, your breath becomes shallow, or your body starts to disappear? How do you find your “real” yes (or your real no) when you’ve been trained to override, mask, or ignore your own internal cues?
This is the heart of embodied consent—the practice of tuning in to the wisdom and signals of your body, not just the words you speak or the boxes you check. For those whose boundaries have been violated, whose autonomy has been ignored, or whose identities have never quite fit into the cultural script, embodied consent can feel like learning a new language—one your fascia remembers, even when your mind wants to forget.
At SOFT (Somatic Oriented Fascia Therapy), we believe that real consent starts in the body. For too many survivors of sexual trauma, systemic oppression, or chronic invalidation, the memory of past violations isn’t just a feeling—it’s stored in the tension, bracing, and numbness of the fascia itself. That’s why SOFT practitioners treat consent as an ongoing, body-led process, not a one-time form or a polite question at the start of session.
In this post, we’ll explore why intellectual and verbal consent aren’t enough, what embodied consent looks and feels like, how past violations get woven into the very tissue of the body, and why a SOFT approach is essential for true, trauma-informed healing. Whether you’re a client, clinician, or someone hungry for deeper connection, this is your invitation to discover consent as an act of self-listening, courage, and radical care.
The Limits of Verbal and Intellectual Consent
Consent has become a cultural buzzword—especially in sex education, therapy, and healthcare. We’re taught to “just ask first,” to look for the enthusiastic “yes,” to sign the dotted line on intake forms, or to check the “I agree” box for every new app or service.
And yet, ask anyone who has ever struggled with boundaries—particularly survivors of trauma, neurodivergent folks, or anyone raised to be “nice” at all costs—and you’ll hear how easy it is to say “yes” when your body means “no.” Sometimes, the “yes” comes from fear of rejection, obligation, or social scripts. Other times, it’s a reflex, a way to keep the peace, or a habit built over years of not having your boundaries respected.
The Pitfalls of “Just Ask”
Verbal or intellectual consent—what you say, what you sign, or what you logically know you should want—has its place. It’s vital for safety, legality, and clarity. But it’s not the whole story.
“Sure, that’s fine…” How often have you agreed to something just to avoid conflict, because it felt expected, or because it was easier than saying no?
Medical settings: Many clients, especially those with trauma or marginalized identities, consent to exams or procedures while feeling deeply uncomfortable or unsafe.
Sexual situations: Survivors of sexual trauma or chronic boundary violations may find themselves saying “yes” (or staying silent) while their bodies tense, numb, or check out entirely.
Therapy and bodywork: Even in “safe” healing settings, clients may override their own boundaries, unsure if it’s “okay” to say no to a technique, question, or touch.
How Culture Teaches Us to Override Our No
From early childhood, most of us are taught to ignore or suppress our bodily cues:
“Hug your uncle! Don’t be rude.”
“Don’t make a scene.”
“If you’re good, you’ll do what you’re told.”
“Say yes, or people will think you’re difficult.”
For survivors, these lessons aren’t just inconvenient—they’re a matter of survival. When your “no” has been ignored, punished, or shamed, it becomes safer to disconnect from the body entirely. Over time, the gap between what you say and what you feel can become so wide that you barely notice it—until your body finds a way to make itself heard.
What Is Embodied Consent?
If verbal or intellectual consent is about what you think, embodied consent is about what you feel—and it doesn’t always match up.
Defining Embodied Consent
Embodied consent happens when your mind, emotions, and body are aligned. It’s the difference between “I guess I should” and “I actually want to.” It’s a felt sense—a full-bodied yes, a spaciousness, a settling in your chest or belly, or sometimes a clear, firm no that radiates from the inside out.
But embodied consent is nuanced. It’s not always “enthusiastic” or easy to access. For many, the body’s response is a hesitant maybe, a frozen “I don’t know,” or a quiet urge to move away that makes no logical sense.
Signs of Embodied Yes, No, Maybe, or “I Don’t Know”
Embodied Yes:
Breath deepens or remains steady
Muscles soften
Chest or belly feels open
Energy moves toward the experience
You feel curious, present, or even excited
Embodied No:
Breath becomes shallow or held
Jaw, shoulders, or hips tense
Body withdraws, leans away, or wants to move
A sense of tightness, nausea, dread, or coldness
Sudden fatigue or urge to dissociate
Embodied Maybe/I Don’t Know:
Mixed signals—part of you wants it, part of you doesn’t
Numbness, uncertainty, confusion
Difficulty accessing sensation
Freeze or shut down
Barriers to Embodied Consent
Trauma history: When saying no hasn’t been safe, the body learns to numb or override cues.
Socialization and marginalization: BIPOC, LGBTQ+, neurodivergent, disabled, or fat folks often receive messages that their needs are less important—or even dangerous.
Masking and people-pleasing: Years of performing safety or agreeability for others’ comfort.
Dissociation: The body’s ultimate survival skill—disconnect from sensation altogether.
Why Embodied Consent Isn’t Always Comfortable
Sometimes, the truth of your body’s no is deeply inconvenient. It might mean saying no to someone you love, disappointing a therapist, or risking conflict in a relationship. For some, even feeling a yes can feel terrifying—especially if pleasure, joy, or safety haven’t always been safe. This is why embodied consent isn’t just about “getting to yes”—it’s about building enough trust to listen, even when what you hear isn’t easy.
Why Embodied Consent Is Essential in Trauma and Somatic Work
Consent is at the heart of all healing, but nowhere is it more critical than in trauma therapy and body-based practices.
How Trauma Disrupts Consent Awareness
Trauma—especially when it involves violation, coercion, or chronic invalidation—teaches the body that boundaries aren’t safe, or that saying no is pointless (or dangerous). Over time, the survival strategies that kept you safe—freezing, fawning, dissociating, or submitting—become default responses, even when the threat is gone.
For many survivors, the body “remembers” violation as chronic tension, numbness, or shutdown. These patterns are stored not just in the nervous system, but in the fascia—the tissue that wraps every muscle, nerve, and organ. The body’s “no” gets buried under layers of armor or absent sensation, making true consent feel out of reach.
Why Trauma-Informed Approaches Must Honor All Signals
A trauma-informed approach recognizes that:
A verbal “yes” can hide a body-level “no”
Clients may freeze, go silent, or submit rather than assert a boundary
Real healing can only happen when the body is included—and believed
Ignoring embodied signals can:
Retrigger trauma or shame
Lead to emotional or physical overwhelm
Reinforce old messages that your body’s needs aren’t important
The Healing Potential of Honoring Consent
When a practitioner slows down, asks, “What’s your body saying right now?” and truly honors the answer—whether it’s a yes, no, or not yet—something revolutionary happens. The client’s body learns that it’s safe to have boundaries, to change its mind, to be listened to on every level.
For many, this is the first time their “no” has ever been respected. Over time, this builds trust, resilience, and the capacity for a real, felt yes.
SOFT’s Approach: Consent as a Practice, Not a Checkbox
In SOFT (Somatic Oriented Fascia Therapy), consent isn’t a preliminary formality. It’s a living, moment-to-moment practice that guides every session, every touch, every intervention.
Consent in SOFT: Beyond Words
SOFT practitioners are trained to:
Track for body cues—breath, muscle tension, micro-movements—that may signal discomfort, even if the client says “yes.”
Invite clients to notice and honor their own embodied yes/no/maybe.
Pause frequently to check in, normalizing “Is this still okay?” or “Do you want to stop or change anything?”
Accept and even celebrate “no,” “not yet,” or “I don’t know” as valid and important information.
Consent-Centered Touch, Movement, and Language
Unlike some approaches that rely on scripted exercises or assume consent is granted once, SOFT treats consent as ongoing. Practitioners use consent-centered language:
“You are in charge of what happens in your body.”
“If your body says no, we listen. No need to explain or justify.”
“You can change your mind at any moment, for any reason.”
“Noticing your own boundaries is just as important as any technique we do.”
This is especially critical in fascia work, where touch or movement can bring up unexpected memories, emotions, or discomfort. Every intervention—whether it’s a suggestion to check in with a body part, a guided breath, or a gentle movement—is an invitation, not a command.
Teaching Clients to Notice and Honor Their Boundaries
SOFT isn’t just about what happens in session; it’s about helping clients reclaim their right to embodied boundaries everywhere. Practitioners model, encourage, and celebrate the practice of tuning in:
“What happens in your body when I ask that question?”
“If your jaw wants to clench, or your body wants to move, that’s welcome here.”
“If you notice a no, let’s pause and get curious about it—without trying to change it.”
This is a radical departure from both traditional therapy and much of the wellness world, where the focus is often on “doing it right” or achieving a result, rather than listening to what the body actually wants and needs.
Normalizing All Responses
SOFT recognizes that “no” and “not yet” are just as worthy as “yes.” In fact, sometimes a session filled with pauses, confusion, or “I don’t know” is the most powerful healing of all. The client learns that their ambivalence, fear, or uncertainty is welcome—not something to push past or fix.
Why SOFT Training Is Required
Because SOFT involves nuanced, body-based work, trauma attunement, and advanced consent practices, it is only offered through certified practitioners. Attempting these interventions without proper training risks retraumatization, overwhelm, or misuse of touch. If you’re curious about SOFT, seek out a certified provider—never try to DIY your healing.
Real-Life Scenarios: Embodied Consent in Action
Let’s bring this to life with some real-world examples (names and details changed for privacy).
Scenario 1: Learning to Feel and Trust a “No”
Maria, a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, had spent her life being agreeable—never saying no, always putting others first. In her first SOFT session, when the practitioner asked, “What would feel supportive for your body today?” Maria went silent. Her mind wanted to say, “Whatever you think is best,” but her chest tightened and her jaw locked.
Rather than pushing for an answer, the practitioner paused. “What’s happening in your body right now?” she asked gently. Maria noticed her hands were clenched. “Would it be okay to just sit here for a bit?” the practitioner offered. Maria nodded. After several minutes, her breath deepened, her body softened, and for the first time, she whispered, “I don’t want to do anything today.”
“That’s perfect,” the practitioner replied. “Your no is welcome here.” Over the coming weeks, Maria began to trust her body’s signals, saying no without apology—and eventually, discovering what her real yes felt like.
Scenario 2: Changing Your Mind Is Consent in Action
Sam, a queer, neurodivergent client, wanted to explore gentle fascial release for chronic pelvic pain. In session, after agreeing verbally to a guided body scan, they suddenly felt anxious and overwhelmed. “I want to stop,” Sam said. The practitioner immediately paused. “Thank you for listening to your body. Would you like to end here, or just talk for a bit?”
Sam chose to end early. Later, they shared that it was the first time a therapist had made it truly okay to stop—not as a failure, but as an act of self-trust. Over time, this translated into stronger boundaries and more authentic relationships outside of therapy.
Scenario 3: Practicing Consent Transforms Intimacy
Layla, in recovery from medical trauma, struggled with touch—even with her loving partner. Through SOFT, she practiced tiny micro-movements of consent: moving a hand away, changing positions, asking for pauses. She and her partner learned to check in moment-to-moment, transforming sex from a performance to a co-created, embodied experience—full of laughter, curiosity, and true connection.
Building Embodied Consent Skills
While true SOFT work should only be done with a certified practitioner, you can begin to build your awareness of embodied consent in everyday life. Here are a few gentle invitations—not as techniques, but as seeds for curiosity and reflection.
1. Awareness Practice: Noticing Yes/No in the Body
Settle in a comfortable spot. Bring to mind a simple question—“Do I want tea or coffee?”—and notice what happens in your body as you imagine each choice. Does one option make you breathe easier, while the other brings tension or heaviness? Practice this with low-stakes choices to build your “consent muscle.”
2. Micro-Boundary Moves
Notice how you position your body with others. Practice tiny shifts—moving your chair, crossing or uncrossing your arms, leaning closer or further away. Each adjustment is a way of honoring your body’s boundaries, even in small ways.
3. Breath and Pause
Before agreeing to a request, pause and take a breath. Notice what happens in your chest, belly, and jaw. If you feel tension or urge to rush, give yourself a few moments before answering.
4. Journaling
After social or intimate experiences, reflect: Did I feel present? Was there a moment I overrode a “no” or missed a “yes”? What might I want to try differently next time?
5. Seek Support
If you find embodied consent confusing, overwhelming, or impossible to access, reach out to a trauma-informed, certified practitioner. This is especially important for those with a history of consent violations or complex trauma. Your healing deserves to be guided and safe.
Frequently Asked Questions
What if I never feel a yes in my body?
For many survivors, numbness or uncertainty is a protective adaptation. This doesn’t mean you’re broken—it means your body did what it needed to survive. With safety, patience, and skilled support, sensation and clarity can return.
Can my consent change in the middle of an experience?
Absolutely. Consent is never a contract—it’s a living process. You can change your mind at any time, for any reason. Practitioners, partners, and friends should honor this without question or pressure.
Why do I freeze even when I want to say no?
Freezing is a deeply ingrained survival response. Sometimes, it’s safer to go still than to assert a boundary. If this is your experience, know that you’re not alone, and that with trauma-informed support, your body can learn new ways of being.
How can practitioners and partners support embodied consent?
Ask open, ongoing questions; listen for both verbal and nonverbal cues; celebrate every “no” as an act of self-trust; and create environments where all answers are welcome. Consent isn’t a one-time event—it’s a shared, evolving practice.
Resources and Next Steps
Further Reading & Podcasts: Explore SOFT’s blog, recommended books on consent and somatics, or tune in to the Untamed Ember Podcast for more embodied wisdom.
SOFT Practitioner Directory: Find a certified SOFT practitioner at somaticorientedfasciatherapy.com.
SOFT Training: For clinicians, explore our multi-level certification in trauma-informed, consent-centered fascia therapy.
Join the Community: Subscribe to our newsletter for resources, inspiration, and support.
Embodied consent is revolutionary. It’s the difference between performing safety and actually being safe, between going through the motions and living in your truth. For those whose boundaries have been violated—by people, by systems, by the world—reclaiming your body’s yes, no, or maybe is a radical act of healing.
At SOFT, we honor that real consent isn’t just a checkbox or a buzzword. It’s a practice, a right, and a journey—one that requires trauma-informed guidance, community, and a deep respect for every body’s wisdom.
If you’re ready to discover what consent means for you—not just as an idea, but as a lived, felt reality—connect with a SOFT practitioner, join our trainings, or simply start by listening to your own inner cues, one small moment at a time.
Your body remembers, your body matters, and your no is sacred.
Copyright © Dr. Misty Gibson 2025. All rights reserved. For more on SOFT, embodied consent, and trauma-informed fascia therapy, visit somaticorientedfasciatherapy.com.
